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4 ways women can bridge âthe orgasm gapâ
What do the terms angling, rocking, shallowing and pairing mean to you? Weâre definitely not talking about fishing here. They all describe sexual positions which make things more pleasurable for women.
Until now these techniques have had no official names, but a new study aiming to normalise sex and make it easier for women to ask for what they want is hoping theyâll help to close âthe orgasm gapâ. Just 20% of women report being able to orgasm from penetration alone during sex, a statistic completely at odds with the dizzy heights of pleasure we so often see women easily reaching on screen.
Womanâs Hour spoke to Dr Devon Hensel, one of the studyâs authors, and sex and relationships expert Tracey Cox to find out more about angling, rocking, shallowing and pairingâŠ
âThereâs such a lack of accessible language for women to talk about what they want and articulate that to their partners,â says Dr Devon Hensel, an assistant professor in Sociology at the University of Indiana School of Medicine and the co-author of this new study.âImagine not having the language to describe what you want in other parts of life? Not being able to say, âI want more coriander with my guacamoleâ or âI want more whipped cream on my hot chocolateâ?â
This study â which spoke to 4000 women in the US and was published in the science journal Plos One â is all about making that sexual language more accessible for women, so they can talk about what works for them.
âSex research as a field has been around for well over 100 years and it was really incomprehensible to us as researchers that there were not names for these things. And when something is unnamed, it almost becomes unspeakable,â Devon told Emma Barnett.
âThese are very women-centred positions, so this empowers women and puts the onus or the emphasis back on what she can do.â
So, what do angling, rocking, shallowing and pairing actually mean?
Angling
Angling refers to a woman moving her pelvis; so rotating, raising, or lowering her pelvis or hips to adjust the angle at which either the penis, sex toy or finger is penetrating the vagina.
Rocking
This refers to rocking the base of a penis or sex toy so it rubs against the womanâs clitoris consistently, rather than with an in and out motion. Itâs an idea of consistent pressure.
Shallowing
Shallowing refers to penetrative touch â from either lips, a tongue, a penis, fingers or a sex toy â but just inside the entrance of the vagina, so a shallow entrance.
Pairing
This refers to a woman herself, solo pairing or with a partner (known as partner pairing). She reaches down to stimulate her clitoris with a finger or a sex toy at the same time that her vagina is being penetrated.
Why do these positions work so well?
âItâs all consistent with trying to stimulate the inner clitoris, because this is the problem,â says author and sex and relationships expert Tracey Cox.
âPeople think of the clitoris as the little tip that you can see, but in fact, underneath the clitoris is the body, which is about 1-2 inches, then it wishbones into two legs that are about 3-4 inches.
âSo, the clitoris is a big area. If you try and just stimulate the tip, youâre not going to get very far. But if you try and stimulate the inner clitoris, which is what this is all doing, it can then lead to an orgasm for women, or at least make penetration a hell of a lot more interesting and pleasurable.â
Whyâs this so important?
âWomen still continue to believe that thereâs something wrong with them if they donât orgasm just through ânormal intercourseâ,â says Tracey, âand by that, I mean traditional thrusting, which is quite frankly pathetically ineffective at stimulating the clitoris.
âThe amount of women I speak to and explain, âonly 20% of women can orgasm through penetration without extra clitoral stimulationâ⊠You can see them thinking, âyeah, but thereâs something wrong with me, because whenever I watch TV or movies, or porn, women have intercourse orgasms no problem at all.â Or âmy partner says, âwell, Susie before you didnât have a problem.â Some people just donât accept that it is difficult for women to orgasm through penetration.â
âWomen across the spectrum of life, whether they are in their 20s, their 40s, newly partnered, unpartnered, multi-partnered, every woman is on a sexual pleasure journey,â adds Devon. âSo here are some tools to help you move your pleasure forward.â
So how do you bring up shallowing? Some tips for talking about itâŠ
âJust make it part of everyday conversation,â advises Tracey. âIf we were talking about anything else today, youâd say, âI was listening to Womanâs Hour and they were talking about this. What do you think?â Just have that conversation. Say âthey did a really interesting study about how to make penetration more pleasurable for women and this particular technique really spoke to me, and I think I kind of do that already, butâŠâ And then lead into the conversation from there.
âOnce you get passed those first few minutes, talking about sex is actually quite easy after that. Maybe it might be a bit uncomfortable with your partner who says, âBut hang on a minute, youâve always been fine just with penetration without any extra stimulation?â. If you donât want to say, âwell actually, I havenât been the whole of the time Iâve been with youâ â just say, âwell, I think my bodyâs changing, I seem to need different things now.â
But donât wait until youâre trying to have sex to talk about it!
âYou should talk about sex before youâre actually having sex,â says Tracey, âbecause people are listening properly for a start, and itâs far less threatening.
âIf suddenly you say to your partner, âactually, I donât like you doing it this way, I prefer you doing it another way,â people can get really funny. Theyâre very sensitive, they get offended very easily. Itâs like, âOh, you donât like what Iâm doing then.â And suddenly youâre in the middle of a row, rather than having sex.
âWait until youâre getting on well, bring out something like this [article] and say, âI was reading somethingâ, âI found something out todayâ, âI read a studyâŠâ. The more we talk about sex in everyday life â and talk about it in little bite-sized conversations, rather than âHoney, we need to sit down and talk about sexâ â the easier it is.â
profound eff

